‘My Boyfriend Was Born in 1999’: Mom, Aged 41, Defends Age-Gap Relationship
It isn’t uncommon for male Hollywood stars to date, or even marry, someone who is significantly younger. But a mom-of-two from Denmark says there’s a stigma attached to older women who date younger men.
Tina Kubinska Slott, 41, spoke to Newsweek about her relationship with her boyfriend, Kasper Borum, a 23-year-old student. Despite “looking and feeling younger,” Tina is still subject to judgment from others who assume Kasper has “mommy issues.”
But the office worker insists her boyfriend doesn’t expect her to provide more than a fair share of household labor or emotional support.
An Oakland University study revealed younger people condemn relationships in which the man is older-more than older people. The 2018 study also revealed that “woman-older relationships receive lower third-party ratings of acceptability.”
“A lot of the time it’s rich old men with young girls, they think one has to be rich that’s why they are in the relationship-but there are so many people who are in an age-gap relationship are living a normal life,” Tina, who is from Copenhagen, said.
“When it’s an older guy with a younger woman it isn’t a problem. But suddenly, if a younger guy likes older women, then he is accused of having ‘mommy issues.’ I never find myself mothering him, if anything, he looks out for me more as he has more spare time,” she said.
She said: “Kasper hasn’t got the same amount of money as me because he is a finance student. But I like to go out for nice food so sometimes I will pay a little more. I don’t mind at all.”
Kasper, who is from Aarhus, Denmark, told Newsweek: “Most people think I’m in this relationship for money. But that isn’t true. I can pay for myself, and if someone pays for me I do feel bad about it.”
A recent Ipsos poll revealed that 60 percent of 1,005 Americans surveyed believe it is acceptable for a woman to date someone 10-plus years younger than her. The poll found that physical attractiveness and open-mindedness are the top perceived benefits of dating younger, while emotional maturity and financial freedom are the top perceived benefits of dating older.
“I have never been in an age-gap relationship before,” said Kasper, “but I have always liked older women. There are two big differences when comparing relationships with someone my age and the one I have with Tina.
“Previously, I felt like I was being held back as I work out five to six days a week which takes up a lot of time so this was a problem. Whereas Tina accepts it and doesn’t get jealous or make it a problem. I find girls my age overthink a lot more as I have been accused of going to the gym to pick up fitness chicks that I didn’t even know existed.
“Another big difference is the maturity, older women have more life experiences so they are more confident and unfazed by other people’s opinions so I really appreciate that.”
Tina said she divorced her ex-husband in 2018 and downloaded the dating app Tinder. She received “lots of offers from younger men and found it interesting.”
“Initially, Kasper and I started talking on Tinder for a bit of fun. But then we realized we have so much in common, such as our sense of humor and the gym. We spoke for one month before meeting up. I look at him as a person rather than focus on his age.
“My main concern was my children as my daughter is only eight years younger than him. But she thinks it is cool and likes that he is young as he can relate to a lot of things.
Uncommon Knowledge
The couple has since become a hit online and frequently goes viral. Here’s a video captioned: “Me vs my boyfriend in 1999.”
Kasper added: “My girlfriend looks younger than she is, so I don’t think people stare that much. And if they do, I don’t see it. But if I cared about others’ opinions, I wouldn’t be in an age-gap relationship.”
“My friends are very open-minded and some gave me a high five when I showed them Tina. My family is pretty different about it. My dad laughed when I told him her age, but my mother, who is 13 years older than Tina, hasn’t accepted it.”
While this couple couldn’t be happier, an age-gap relationship does have its difficulties. Dating utilizar um link expert Emyli Lovz doesn’t recommend an age gap of 10-plus years if someone is looking for a “lifelong partner.”
She told Newsweek: “The reason is your reference points will be very different. Someone who lived through ple, will have important reference points from that time that someone who didn’t won’t understand.
“The same goes for musical preferences, movie references, and other important compatibility factors, making it difficult to understand one another fully. Over time, these differences can cause a breakdown in the relationship. However, if someone isn’t looking for long-term, then age-gap relationships can make sense.”
“I do have more life experience,” she said, “so sometimes I can tell him how I see it from my point of view. I think he learns from me as I have more life experience but I have also learned from him.
“He has taught me that you don’t have to take life too seriously, sometimes he gets me up and out of the house to do something fun rather than house chores.
“It is important to avoid making statements about how you think his life should go. And steer clear from doing things for him that he can do himself. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean he needs to follow in your footsteps. He’s his own man and should be given the freedom and respect to make his own decisions, even if you know the consequences may not be ideal. That’s important for him to experience.”
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About the writer
Lucy Notarantonio is Newsweek’s Senior Lifestyle and Trends Reporter, based in Birmingham, UK. Her focus is trending stories and human interest features ranging from health, pets and travel. Lucy joined Newsweek in and previously worked at Mercury Press and Media and other UK national newspapers, the Australian Women Magazines and The New York Post.
My focus is human-interest stories ranging from relationships to health, fitness, travel, and home. I am always on the lookout for relationships that go against the “norm” such as age-gap ones along with incredible weight loss stories aimed to inspire and motivate others.
Lucy Notarantonio is Newsweek’s Senior Lifestyle and Trends Reporter, based in Birmingham, UK. Her focus is trending stories and human . Read more